There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
