I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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