DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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