I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
