He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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