idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
