I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize