covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
