Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
