I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
