we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
