Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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