having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
