i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
