whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
