Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize