I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
