He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
