the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
