"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
