p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
