Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
