My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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