You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
