you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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