So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
