How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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