Need sex. Gaining weight.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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