eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just found puke in my bra..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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