First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
