that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
