kristin has been a bad kristin
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize