he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
