My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
