I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
