thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
