Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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