you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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