Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
