What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
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