Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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