So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
