Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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