dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
