You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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