The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
