Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
