Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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