It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize