It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
