Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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