the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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