I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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