He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
