He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
