there was a trapeze. enough said
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
