i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
