I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
