I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
