you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
