I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
be right there i have to get my cape
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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