ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
