i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize