OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
