U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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