no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
