TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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