i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
