where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize