sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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