Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
