yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
