Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
