Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize