You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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