So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
