ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
