So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
