he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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